Breathe With Me Chapter One

NamJin OSF.jpg


Kim Seokjin was the classic book definition of depressed; the only problem was that he was clinically depressed. There was literally no other reason why the boy could have felt this way. His life seemed to be perfectly normal and because of that he only felt more depressed. Doctors had said he had some sort of imbalance or something, Jin hadn’t really paid much attention, he was more so focused on his mother crying. He had done that…made the woman said and so he felt even worse. It was a never-ending cycle of shit.

The doctors had given him medication to try and make him feel better but it made him feel disgusting. He could never keep his food in his stomach, his head always hurt because of them too and mostly they just made him feel worse. A false set of emotions, well he didn’t want to feel like that so he did research. Seokjin was a fairly gifted student, a bit above average so of course he would do some looking into other solutions than the pills his parents put him on.

He ended up reading a few articles about how marijuana could help depressed people and was willing to try. He had saved up some birthday money, he never really spent it on anything except film for his camera here and there. It had been a gift from his grandfather before he passed away. His grandfather never treated him like he was different, he used to say, “Smile only if you want to Jin, other wise it’s insulting.”

It was safe to say that he didn’t smile after that, not unless he wanted to. When his grandfather died he had stopped smiling all together. At school he was known as the gloomy prince. People would praise his looks but reject him because of his put off attitude, it was safe to say that Seokjin did not have friends. That surprisingly didn’t bother him as much anymore. He wasn’t depressed because he was lonely after all.

Seokjin knew where to get drugs; just about any high school student did if they knew the right people. Seokjin knew everyone from observation, so it was simple enough to find his guy. At first he didn’t know that it was Namjoon he would be seeing behind the dumpster at the park. Truthfully Seokjin had craigslisted it, it was quite surprising at how many things you could find from the website. The name wasn’t listed but the ratings were good so he figured, why not?

Before leaving for the park he had decided to take his camera, his parents never asked where he was going if he had it with him. It was risky to take a cherished item with him to an unknown situation but it was a risk he was willing to take so wrapping the camera strap around his neck he was off into the crisp fall air.


He found the spot simple enough and luckily Namjoon was there as the listing had said he would be. Seokjin took note of the sites usefulness.

“Um…are you the guy people get their stuff from?” Seokjin asked, eyeing Namjoon. The boy was currently wearing a grey sweatshirt and some beat up jeans. His snapback on his head reading the word Loko on it.

“Excuse me? Are you seriously here to buy pot?” Namjoon asked, leaning away from the trashcan to get a better look at Seokjin. “What the hell is the prince of the school doing here? And how the hell did you even find me if you don’t have anyway, I’ve never seen you talked to anybody around school.”

“Craigslist is that even legal by the way because it sounds like a bad idea.” Seokjin said, finding no need to lie.

“Craigslist? Fucking Hoseok, I told him not to do that. Whatever what can I do for you?”

“I read that marijuana could help depressed people and surprisingly enough it seems a lot safer than the medicine my parents are making me take. Those pills make me nauseous, the anti-depressants I mean if you didn’t catch that. Not that it matters but, I’m rambling…I tend to do that when I get uncomfortable. Did I mention that I have anxiety as well? I heard that marijuana makes that worse but I’m a lot more depressed than I am anxious so I figured it would, like balance out?”

Namjoon looked at him for a moment before laughing. Well that hurt…kind of?

“I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk in all our years of high school. Yea it should help out your situation, have you ever smoked anything before?”

“No drugs are bad for you?” was Seokjin’s immediate response. The irony in that sentence alone made Namjoon laugh even more.

“Well okay…seeing as you’re about to get high for the first time I should probably give you a crash course. Come on follow me.” Namjoon said, shoving his hands into his pockets and marching forward with purpose. Following him probably was a stupid idea but once again Seokjin waited the possibilities of getting murdered or raped in the back ally and figured he’d be okay. Seokjin followed Namjoon all the way to the man’s car and hopped into the passenger side.

Seokjin watched as Namjoon took out a few tools and a mason jar filled with the plant. Namjoon worked fast and before his eyes there was a cigarette looking thing in Namjoon’s hands. Seokjin’s very first blunt, as Namjoon had put it. Namjoon’s lighter was white Seokjin noticed as he lit the end of the blunt.

“White lighters are bad luck…” Seokjin let slide from his mouth as he watched Namjoon take the first puff from it.

“I don’t believe in bad luck, no point. No here, pull in the smoke and down into your lungs. Don’t hold it in your cheeks but down in your lungs for as long as you can. It’s supposed to burn so don’t be worried about that.

“Nothing much worries me.” Seokjin said before taking the blunt between his fingertips.

He tried to do everything Namjoon instructed, but it was easier said than done. Just because he was depressed didn’t mean he couldn’t feel things happening to his body. The smoke trapped in the car burned his eyes, but nothing in comparison to how his lungs felt. “Hold it down, breathe with me.” Namjoon said.

Seokjin noticed that he didn’t feel much as all, even as he kept passing the blunt between the two of them, over and over until it was nothing but a charred end.

“It didn’t work…not really.” Seokjin said looking down at his hands to see f he felt anything…

“That’s okay, most people don’t really get high the first time they smoke. The next time you do it you’ll probably be high but for now I’d take it easy.” Namjoon said as he watched Seokjin go through another coughing fit. Why did people like doing this again?

“Hmm alright.” Seokjin said, before reaching in his pockets to pull out twenty dollars.

“This should be enough right?”

“First of all you are lucky it was me dealing and not someone else because that it way to much money and this times on the house. Besides you didn’t really get high anyway. Give me ten dollars the next time you come to see me.” Namjoon said smiling, his dimples standing out on his face.

“O…oh okay.” Seokjin said, before coughing a bit more. He looked oddly at Namjoon when the boy reached over awkwardly to pat his back.

“You okay there prince?” he had asked.

Pulling away Seokjin nodded his head, he wasn’t used to being touched.

Namjoon didn’t think much of the other boy moving away, he just shrugged his shoulders and reached into his pocket for his phone.

“Put your nuber in it so I can contact you better and vice versa.”

Seokjin himself reached into his own pocket to pull out his phone. Opening up the contact list he saw only three numbers, home, mother, father. It used to have his grand fathers number inside it but it was pointless to keep it now.

Namjoon didn’t make a comment when they swapped phones to add their numbers inside.

Once he got his phone back he sat in the car awkwardly. What now?

“I guess I should go home now…” Seokjin said looking out the window.

“Yea probably, let me drive you though. This park is kind of far away huh?” Namjoon said, putting the keys into the ignition.

“I don’t mind walking…”

“Nonsense, it won’t take that long.” Namjoon said, smiling again. The boy did it so easily…

“Isn’t it unsafe to drive while high?” Seokjin asked, not that he was cautious, more so curios to figure out if that was true. He wasn’t allowed to drive because of his anti-depressants.

“Not really, I mean it’s pretty shitty thing to do but no one ever dies from driving while high from pot. Drunk driving is bad, don’t do that.” Namjoon said.

“A drug dealer with morals…?” Seokjin said, letting the words slip from his mouth just as the smoke had done. He thought the other man would get insulted and maybe kick him out of the car but instead Namjoon laughed again and said yea. On the car ride home Namjoon continued to ask questions and just talk and it wasn’t until Seokjin was home, back in the safety of his room that he noticed, he had never talked to anyone else that long before. What a strange day…




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